was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
