I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
