but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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