its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
