Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
