I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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