My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
