How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
