All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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