My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
