I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
