I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
