Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
