I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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