just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize