I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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