Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize