I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
