Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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