all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
