She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
