You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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