my phone needs a breathalizer
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
