There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
