the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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