please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
