Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk is a universal language darling
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
