he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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