I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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