I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
