So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
