Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
