If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
