What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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