4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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