I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
