Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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