You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
