How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
