You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
