i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
