my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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