Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Farmville is her only friend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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