if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
