I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
