He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?