Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.