i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child