So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm