Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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