I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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