you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.