i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
