And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
