I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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