Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
