I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
