Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
