I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
