OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
