do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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