how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
