Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
