At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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