Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
