His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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