I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
