Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
