the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
