i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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