i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
