when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
