I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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